


Birthday's Eve

by Miranda_tries_their_best



Series: Shades of Depression [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: A little bit of a Sad ending, Angst, Depression, Self-Worth Issues, Slight anger issues, This was suppose to be happier but it got away from me, implied/referenced unhealthy relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22328815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miranda_tries_their_best/pseuds/Miranda_tries_their_best
Summary: "I- um, well-" The other side laughs weakly, at least having the decency to look guilty for bothering him. "Tomorrow's the twentieth of January, I want to see if you had plans?"Depression blinked, his glare morphing into confused and distrustful. He hadn't realized it's been that long already, he must have slept through the past few days. "Why?" As much as the raven side didn't like the heart he knew that Morality wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt him, the bastard probably didn't even understand why Depression didn't like him."I was just partycularly curious." The light side winks with a grin but it quickly turns into a sheepish look as Depression's lips curl slightly, the depressive side thinks he can get why Anxiety hisses now. "I wanted to see if you wanted to come celebrate, have a little party? No pressure or anything kiddo, I just- Well, I just wanted to offer."
Series: Shades of Depression [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573210
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	Birthday's Eve

**Author's Note:**

> Tomorrow(or today depending where you are) is ya boi's birthday
> 
> why specifically tomorrow? I couldn't tell you why besides the fact that I googled the most depressing day of the year and it told me the 20th of January, I didn't question or look into it I was just like "yeah alright."

A knock at the door pulls Depression from his stupor, leaving him confused and disoriented.

Who fucking knocks down here? Well, Deceit normally does but he has three simple raps. This was that rhythm people use- what was it called? Whatever, it was far too cheery for anyone down here in the dark and it leaves the feathered side agitated for a reason he can't discern. He always felt terrible when he didn't wake up naturally but he tries to shove down that down for now as he swings his legs over the edge of his bed.

It takes him a minute to get up, the feathered side half expects for whoever knocked to be gone by the time his groggy self finally made it to his door but he's unfortunately surprised when he opens the door a crack to peek out.

Morality was on the other side, obviously out of his element but smiling brightly as their eyes meet. "Hey, kiddo-"

Depression slams the door shut in the light side's face and stumbles away from it. He doesn't catch what the other side says after there's a door between them but he also doesn't really care. He couldn't think of anything he'd done recently to make the dad side come down here, Morality could barely stand his presence despite how their functions overlap at times.

But then again, maybe that's why he was avoided. He's the one stuck with all the bad, scary feelings in the dark while Morality gets to pretend that he's all the good and happy. Well, that's not completely fair, the Heart can struggle just as much as Depression does at times but somehow that only makes the dark side more bitter. He shouldn't have been made, probably wouldn't have had to be made if Morality didn't try and separate everything bad from himself and shove it into the dark.

Frustration left the dark side with a tight feeling in his chest, one that makes him want to tear his room apart just to let some of whatever he's feeling out. Another knock rings throughout the room, this time softer as he hears the dad side call out for him. The feathered acts suddenly without thinking, swinging the door open and glaring Morality down. " ** _What do you-you want?_** " His distorted voice slips through, making the light side flinch back slightly.

"I- um, well-" The other side laughs weakly, at least having the decency to look guilty for bothering him. "Tomorrow's the twentieth of January, I want to see if you had plans?"

Depression blinked, his glare morphing into confused and distrustful. He hadn't realized it's been that long already, he must have slept through the past few days. "Why?" As much as the raven side didn't like the heart he knew that Morality wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt him, the bastard probably didn't even understand why Depression didn't like him.

"I was just _party_ cularly curious." The light side winks with a grin but it quickly turns into a sheepish look as Depression's lips curl slightly, the depressive side thinks he can get why Anxiety hisses now. "I wanted to see if you wanted to come celebrate, have a little party? No pressure or anything kiddo, I just- Well, I just wanted to offer."

Depression feels some of his irritation slipping, the bubbling bitterness still there but less present as before. "You never cared before." He watches Morality visibly flinch at his barbed words with only a little satisfaction. "why- how did you even know my birthday?"

"I asked Virgil for all your guys' birthdays, he didn't know all of them but he remembered yours and I- Kiddo, I think I really should have cared before." Morality's smile is sadder now, Depression feels the shared ache in his bones that tells him just how much Morality regrets his actions. "I care now though, it's okay if that's not enough for you bud but I'm going to keep trying."

Depression... Doesn't know what to do with that information. "Does Anxiety know you're doing this?" He asks instead of addressing all that because if there's one thing he's learned from being in the dark it's that feelings are gross. Also, Anxiety would probably flip if he knew Morality just wandered on down to the dark, the hoodie clad side would probably come to punch Depression for even entertaining the idea of going up there. "Does Deceit know? He gets frustrated when I'm out of my room for too long." That's also a problem but Deceit is less likely to resort to physically fighting him.

The light side's smile strains a bit. "Well, Virge doesn't exactly know I'm here right now but I think he knows I was planning something for your birthday and as for Deceit..." Morality trails off a bit, hands fiddling with the sleeves of the sweater around his shoulders. "Does he- Are you really not allowed out of your room?"

"I mean-" Oh no, Depression made it sound worse than it. "It's not that I'm not allowed but it's not always- It's just better for me to stay in there, you know?" He says lamely, really wishing he hadn't swung his door open all the way so he had more to hide behind.

Morality, however, just seemed to look more concerned. "Deppy, that doesn't sound very healthy." The other emotional side spoke softly, uncomfortably condescending like he actually knew anything or actually had the right to be worried.

"That's easy for you to say." Depression grit out. "You're not dangerous to Thomas and the others. You don't get to suddenly decide how I do things are wrong like you do everyone else." Almost immediately the raven side felt his words hit, it hurt and the ache under his skin has never been so satisfying.

At least it is until- "Aren't I? Dangerous, I mean..." The moral side lets out a deep sigh, his eyes shine with something vulnerable. "I'm starting to realize we're all kinda bad if we give a bit too much and well," Mortality smiles again, softer and sadder then before. "Like anxiety, there's a right amount of depression that can be healthy."

And suddenly it's not so satisfying anymore. "That's- It's different, at least Anxiety is fight or flight, at least he's motivating in some way-" Depression tries to swallow the lump in his throat as he's not about to let himself cry in front of the heart, that's just a new level of pathetic that he doesn't want to reach today.

"It is different but that's not a bad thing." The light side takes a careful step closer, still respecting the distance between them but letting his presence grow closer. "You're what tells us there's something wrong mentally, the burn out you give is what forces Thomas to take a break when he's pushing too hard. I admit it's not always easy to appreciate but it's what's needed sometimes." Depression shakes his head, sinking down into his shoulders to find comfort in his feathers as Morality continues to speak. "I feel for people a lot, I sympathize and care but kiddo, I know you're in charge of empathy. I know you recognize when someone's in pain and can feel it too. I'd bet you'd know just how to help if we worked together."

" **Sto-Stop**." Morality has no idea how right that last statement is but Depression doesn't want to believe anything else he's saying. It's not fair, Morality doesn't just get to come down here and mess everything up. Deceits supposed to the one that tells pretty lies to soothe the pain and all the light side's words do is tear open old and new wounds. " **I don't want anyth-thing to do with you.** "

"Kiddo-"

" **Shut up.** " Depression's skin boils as he tries to shove down his rage enough to get his voice under control. "I'm not your kiddo, I don't want a stupid party with a bunch of people that hate me and I will h- **urt you if you don't leave.** " With that Depression slams his door shut, nearly doubling over as his chest feels like it's being smashed with a hammer. He can't tell if it's his feels or Morality's but he hopes it's the latter because he had to fight tooth and nail with himself not to lash out on the light side despite so badly wanting to hurt, scream, destroy.

Deceit would more scared of him if he did.

Roman would hate him if he saw what Depression could actually do.

So he bit his tongue instead to keep his voice in, he grabbed and yanked on his hair to keep from using his hands to claw at whoever he came across, pacing to try and work off some of the energy burning under his skin for hours until he was too exhausted to care anymore.

  
  
  


The next morning a knock woke Depression up from his dreamless sleep.

When he eventually got himself up the side peeked out his door he didn't find any side there but as his eyes drifted down he found a cupcake with a lit birthday candle that stood half melted from the time it took for him to get out of bed and shuffle to the door.

It's bittersweet, knowing that Morality still tried despite what he is.

Picking up the (slightly off) teal colored cupcake Depression quickly blows out the candle without making a wish, he doesn't really deserve one anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter has multiple purposes: celebrating Depression's birth/exploring his relationship with other sides/ expanding on some of Depression's issues/Keeping you hanging on Depression's name/Straight(gay) up calling out that the way things are being handled isn't healthy.
> 
> I want to stress the fact that none of the sides in this are going to unsympathetic but that doesn't mean there aren't issues between them all. Depression deals with repressed emotions that have made him lash out and has hurt others in the past, Deceit does care but his way of encouraging Depression to just sleep and stay away from others is very not good. I also haven't even started on the shit show between Virgil and Depy yet so that'll be fun


End file.
